Regardless of what you’re writing the opening sentence is the hardest one to write in my opinion. I’ve been staring at my laptop for 30 minutes trying to think of the perfect thing to say to introduce you to the return, well the 2nd return (Brett Favre?), of power rankings, but the jokes can’t always write themselves. Whatever though, the monologue isn’t necessary because guess what boys… well and Kathleen, it’s nut crunching time! It’s playoff time! Go big or go home time! And you can bet your sorry ass I’m excited because for once in my life I actually have a decent team in the league I commish. These rankings are going to be a little bit different than how I do them normally, each team will be ranked corresponding with their current seed as opposed to the past which was truthfully just my opinion. I will do my best to lay out seeding scenarios as well inform on what bubble teams need to do to ensure a spot in the 8 team playoff field come week 14. Before I get into the rankings though I will explain some of the tiebreakers as well as playoff format.

PLAYOFFS

• 8 Teams single elimination
• Take place weeks 14-16
• Winner of each division guarantees playoff spot and is seeded opposite sides of bracket as 1 and 2 seed based on record.
• Teams 3-8 are seeded based on record.
• Head to head tiebreaker is determined by whomever won regular season match up. If multiple teams are tied the record among the tied teams vs each other is used to determine seeding. If there is still a a tie then the team with most points scored on the season wins the tiebreaker.
• Trading is closed though the playoffs, but you can still grab players on waivers.

If Playoffs Started Today

• 1 Corbin (9-2)
• 8 Joe (5-6)
• 4 Andrew P (6-5)
• 5 Andrew M (6-5)
• 3 Logan (7-3)
• 6 Eric (6-5)
• 2 Phil (8-3)
• 7 Justin (6-5)

BUBBLE 9 John (5-6) 10 Ryan (5-6) 11 Tommy (5-6)

ELIMINATED 12 Kathleen (3-8) 13 Stan (3-8) 14 Casey (3-8)

Power Rankings

1) God Hates Jags Rec 9-2 PFPG 113.6 (3rd)

Some may call it a lucky season so far, his opponents scoring a league low only 92 points per contest, but you to admit it’s no surprise this team is where it is come the last few weeks of the season. Corbin has wrapped up his division with 3 teams tied in second 3 games back with only 2 matchups remaining in the regular season. Therefore, the furthest he could fall is the 2 seed as Phil and Logan still have a shot at the no 1 overall seed. The simple way Corbin locks up the 1 seed is winning one of his 2 remaining matchups, which are not given as he has to face Logan and then Andrew P. He also locks up the 1 seed if he and Phil finish with the same record, it may seem like eons ago now, but Corbin’s week 1 triumph would be the tiebreaker in this scenario. Obviously Corbin has the easiest path to the 1 seed, win and it’s yours, but if Logan is able to knock off Corbin this week we may have some drama in the final week of the season as to who will finish atop the 1 line.

2) Fool of a Cook Rec 8-3 PFPG 115.9 (2nd)

Phil may not have known this, but he is the only other team to have for sure earned a playoff berth in the league. However, his range of what seed he finishes is drastically different than Corbin who locked up at least a top 2 seed. Despite currently sitting in the 2 seed slot Phil could drop as far as being a 6 seed and as mentioned above still has a shot at the 1 line. Him finishing in the top spot isn’t even that far fetched as well, if Phil wins out and Corbin loses out Phil will waltz into the playoffs in the coveted 1 slot. This is the only way Phil can get to the 1 line though as the 2 teams he could potentially finish tied with, Logan and Corbin, both would hold tiebreakers over him after defeating him in the regular season. Now I’m not going to explain how Phil can finish every seed 2,3,4,5 that would take far too long and have almost infinite possibilities with the league being so bunched in the middle. I will however explain the absolute doomsday scenario for Phil where he falls all the way to 6th. First, 3 of the 4 6-5 teams would need to win out (Justin would have to be one of the teams) as well as Phil losing out, this would either result in a 4 way or 5 way tie at 8-5 depending on how Logan finishes the season. If it’s a way tie without Logan Phil can not finish worse than 4th as he would hold most tiebreakers, however Logan beat Phil in the regular season and if he were included in what’s a 5 way tie Phil can fall to 6th. I know this is hard to explain because literally so much has to happen and certain teams have to be involved, but trust me Phil can still finish as the 6 seed it took me forever to work it out.

3) Team KamiKOZe Rec 7-4 PFPG 100.4 (8th)

Yes another team who still has a shot to be on the 1 line, and, believe it or not, can still miss the playoffs entirely. The scenario to reach the 1 line is simple though, win out, Corbin lose out, and Phil not win out. If Logan finishes tied for the best record at 9-4 with Corbin and or Phil he will finish on the 1 line as he holds the tiebreaker over each. If Logan loses out though and finishes 7-6 we could be looking at a very different scenario. Currently there are 11 teams who can still finish 7-6, because there are 3 teams who have worse than a 5-6 record. In what would be an absolute crazy scenario it is possible that the league finishes with 10 teams that have a 7-6 record or better. Meaning 2 7-6 teams would not make the playoffs, again it’s quite complicated how Logan ends up being one of those 2 teams, but with 6 loses and some of them coming to lower end opponents it is still possible.

4) Country Roads Rec 6-5 PFPG 127.6 (1st)

First off I just want to point out my team is averaging 120 points allowed per game, if that were a team in the league they would be the second leading scorer by an average of 4 ppg, wtf. Rant over, if you can even call it that, anyway for the remaining teams I’m just going to explain how they make playoffs as any team from here down can finish as high as 3rd and as low as 11th. Well the easiest way to make the playoffs for this team is win out. The End. Just kidding, but I mean in all honesty for any of the 6-5 teams win out and you’re in. Because the current 8 seed is 5-6 none of the 6-5 teams can be caught if they simply win out.

5) Team Marvel Rec 6-5 PFPG 111.1 (4th)

Again this one is pretty simple win out and you’re in. An interesting little wrinkle though is Amarve can drop all the way to 9th if he loses today to Eric (another 6-5 team) depending on others results. This would be significant because it could mean again with certain results that a win in week 13 still could leave him on the outside looking on.

6th) Beginner’s Luck Rec 6-5 PFPG 109.6 (5th)

Now I know I’ve been saying for the 6-5 teams win out and you’re in, but because of Eric’s perfect record vs the 5-6 teams he only needs to win 1 game to clinch a playoff spot. Basically if multiple teams finished 7-6 for the 8 seed 2 of the 4 5-6 teams would have to be included and Eric can’t lose a tie breaker with any of them. Sorry if that’s confusing. Anyway 1 win Eric, and it’s a done deal.

7) Schweitz Sexy Squad Rec 6-5 PFPG 94.5 (12th)

This might be a little shocking, but the 3rd worst point scorer in the league can finish as the 2 seed and still win the West division… allow me to explain. Phil loses out vs John and Justin, Logan loses out vs Corbin and Casey, and Justin wins out vs Joe and Phil. Phil and Justin would both finish atop the division at 8-5 and Justin would hold the h2h tiebreaker defeating Phil in the season finale. Now this is a longshot to happen and if you’re looking for a 6 game parlay I would not pick these results, but you never know.

8) Mexico Militia Rec 5-6 PFPG 98.3 (10th)

This is where it starts to get fun folks. Frankly with 2 weeks to play there are so many scenarios that can still happen it’s almost impossible to really say what these next few teams need to do for a playoff berth. Except Joe, he currently possesses the best record among the 4 tied 5-6 teams so him making the playoffs is quite easy, win out, and voila, he’s going dancing.

9) But Pats Dfnse Rec 5-6 PFPG 97.1 (11th)

John making the playoffs really isn’t that complicated a scenario either, because he controls his own destiny with a week 13 matchup vs Joe. If he wins out he makes the playoffs, since Joe would finish 6-7 in that scenario John would have tiebreakers over the other potential teams that could finish 7-6 and would at least guarantee him the 8 seed.

10) Fixon 4 a Mixon Rec 5-6 PFPG 108.1 (6th)

Ryan making the playoffs is a little more complicated as he is 1 of only 2 teams that can do so, but doesn’t control his own destiny. For Ryan to make the playoffs he needs Joe and John to both finish 6-7 or if they win out he needs to finish in at least a 5 way tie at 7-6 that has to include me, Amarve, Joe, and John. Yes honestly I don’t remember how I figured that out but trust me. Anyway a lot still needs to go Ryan’s way but it is possible.

11) Dak was Whack Rec 5-6 PFPG 101.1 (7th)

Tommy also needs a lot to go his way to make the playoffs, he doesn’t hold many tiebreakers so there is pretty much only one way he can sneak into the playoffs. That way is simply having the 8th best record. Tommy needs to finish 7-6 and have 3 of the 7 teams that are 5-6 or 6-5 finish at 6-7 or worse. In all honesty this isn’t that crazy a scenario and very likely will happen.

12) Rest in Pieces Rec 3-8 PFPG 99 (9th)

Well I guess the name change ended up coming to fruition. I know the team in the current 8 slot is 5-6 and you can both finish 5-8, but John and Joe are both 5-6 and they still play each other so one of them will have to get to 6 wins. Unfortunate as it would have been interesting to see if the 3-8 teams could make a miracle run. The only remaining thing is to play for pride as the week 13 matchup of the twins could still be important for bragging rights.

13) Splish Splash Rec 3-8 PFPG 87.6 (13th)

Again the season is over, maybe you can learn from everyone on your bench having great weeks. Or nottt, since you never seemed to adjust during the season. Anyway like I said above the twin matchup in week 13 is still something to look forward to and would be a nice building block to gain confidence heading into next year.

14) Easy Breesy Rec 3-8 PFPG 80.9 (14th)

Well this is quite a drastic change from last year, first all the way to last. Obviously it’s still possible to not finish last, but I’m sure this is quite disappointing considering winning the league last year. Like the 2 other teams mentioned above there is still a game that could make the season a little better in week 13. Winning against Logan is an opportunity not only for bragging rights, but it could completely derail Logan’s season or keep him from winning the division. Either way I’m sure this team would be happy to play spoiler since it would also come at the expense of big brother.

Okay, so maybe it isn’t the return of the Jedi, that happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… but, it is the return of power rankings!! I’m sure my loyal fans have been worried sick about the future of this popular side gimmick and I am here to tell you rest easy, because power rankings is back and here to stay. I know there has been a little confusion as to how the rankings stand currently, but the trending category (⬆️1) will be based on your ranking in week 3, my previous published post on this site. There will also be a new category this week, average points scored (PFPG) and the rank of how that number compares to the league. Does that anything to do with the fact that I am leading points scorer and still sport a 3-3 record… yes as a matter of fact it does. Enough blabbering though, lets get into what you are really here for, Power Rankings Week 7:

1. God Hates Jags Rec: 5-1 PFPG: 114.9 (3rd) Week 3 Rank: 1 ↔️ To be honest this 5-1 record could be a little bit of a mirage. Corbin’s squad has yet to really be tested outside of the lone loss to John, in fact in 4 of his 6 matchups his opponent has failed to even put up more than 84 points. If you see Corbin across the field, just know your team is in for an inexplicably bad week. He faces what figures to be a stiff text the next 2 games though, as he faces off vs Tommy and then Mr. Peterson.
2. Too Much Cook Rec: 4-2 PFPG: 121.2 (2nd) Week 3 Rank: 5 ⬆️3 A four game win streak came to an end this week at hands of the Joe. Had Phil been able to come out on top he would have been 2 games clear of the next competitor in the West, but instead he now shares the division lead with Joe and is positioned second as Joe has the head to head tiebreaker. This isn’t that surprising though considering Phil is very use to being second.
3. Beginner’s Luck Rec: 4-2 PFPG: 114.7 (4th) Week 3 Rank: 8 ⬆️5 This team is a championship contender, something that may not have been evident early in the season, but winning in dominating fashion last week despite Mack being on bye and Amari Cooper getting hurt early says a lot about this team. The only losses on the season are to Phil and an 129-135 defeat to Logan that really could have gone either way, certainly nothing worth hanging your head over. 3 of the next 4 opponents are the bottom 3 in points scored this season, with the exception being Corbin, a 3-1 stretch over that period means a 7-3 record and that should be enough to secure a playoff position.
4. Country Road Take Mahomes Rec: 3-3 PFPG: 125.8 (1st) Week 3 Rank: 3 ⬇️1 What a roller coaster of a season. Having not yet won back to back games this season it’s hard to imagine that trend changing with McCaffery and Mike Evans on bye, so congratulations to Ryan on a week 7 victory. It’s hard to stay upbeat when you score 159 points and still lose.
5. Dak was Whack Rec: 3-3 PFPG: 108.3 (7th) Week 3 Rank: 4 ⬆️5 For those of you confused by the name change this is Tommy… well I think it as least, but I don’t know since Tommy has a reputation to neglect his team. That being said though, after 2 big trades this week (I didn’t know Tommy even knew how to trade) Tommy’ team is looking like quite possibly the best top to bottom team in the league. 6 of his 9 starters, ha, are ranked 7th or better at their position and certainly boast the talent of staying ranked that high through the rest of the season.
6. Fixin 4 a Mixon Rec: 3-3 PFPG: 113.6 (5th) Week 3 Rank: 12 ⬆️5 My my my, this team has come along since the early season horrors of Mitch Trubisky and Joe Mixon. No Trubisky and Mixon haven’t exactly turn it around, but a few unforeseen heroes have shined bright for this squad. I’m sure some of you will be surprised to hear that Chris Godwin is the No 1 WR this year, and former no name Courtland Sutton has made a name for himself averaging almost 14 ppg good enough for 11th among wide receivers. Personally I’m not sure whether to chalk it up to all those mock drafts Ryan mentioned doing, or luck, but regardless this squad has something to prove and despite the unflashy names will certainly be a threat down the stretch.
7. Mexico Milita Rec: 4-2 PFPG: 104.8 (10th) Week 3 Rank: 6 ⬇️1 By far the hardest team I had ranking was the Mexican Militia, and truthfully I feel this team deserves to be higher now that I really stare at that 7 next to their name. Taking control of the division last week with a win over Phil was massive because if the playoffs started today it’d be the difference of playing Amarve and Ryan, and obviously everyone would rather play Amarve 😛 Either way the win was big and Joe will look to stay atop the division when he faces off with Logan this coming week.
8. Nothing but a Peanut Rec: 3-3 PFPG: 107.4 (7th) Week 3 Rank: 11 ⬆️3 I see your defense is still doing fine. There might have to be a clause next year that the Pats D is off limits, otherwise right now there looking like a 4th maybe 3rd round pick which is despicable. This team might need to learn from something the Patriots though as they currently are allowing 123.4 ppg, which would be the 2nd best team in the league behind my 125, Yikes. Everything comes back to the mean though and with that being said I’d imagine a few wins are likely to fall this mans way.
9. complains about every trade HE makes Rec: 3-3 PFPG: 108.7 (6th) Week 3 Rank: 6 ⬇️3 Well Amarve you wouldn’t “have to rely on Dak” if you didn’t trade away the best player in the game. Also, no, why would people have to have a handicap due to your poor WRs when you made the choice to trade Michael Thomas. All I’m saying own your decisions. That came across as mean… really I had just found it ironic.
10. Team KamiKOZe Rec: 3-3 PFPG: 105.6 (9th) Week 3 Rank: 9 ⬇️1 BREAKING NEWS… (Well at least at the time of me writing this) but Kamara the no 2 overall pick has been traded away and with for? Aaron Jones. Probably the most overrated, deceiving, God awful, worst ypc, but good TD numbers, running back in the whole league. Yes, Aaron Jones is the worst, don’t believe my sentiment? Ask Phil what I think of Aaron Jones. I’m sorry Logan, but in my opinion you got hosed. Maybe Sony Michel will be a bonafide superstar the rest of the season, but my money sure ain’t on Jones.
11. Schweitz Sexy Squad Rec: 3-3 PFPG: 99.4 (11th) Week 3 Rank: 2 ⬇️9 I think, if I’m not mistaken, the saying goes, “pride comes before the fall.” Corbin could probably tell me who said that, but the big brained blonde would likely only answer my question with a jest, so I did not bother to ask him. Despite an inspiring 156 point week 1 Justin’s squad has failed to reach 80 in 3 of the previous 5 weeks and one of those going over 80 only totaling 89. That’s not good, and if the streak of the player drafting 11th winning the title is to stay in tact some big changes are going to be needed to right the ship.
12. Rest in Pieces… Rec: 2-4 PFPG: 94.8 (12th) Week 3 Rank: 14 ⬆️2 Hold up, wait a minute, (put a little love in it) maybe Kathleen’s team isn’t dead just quite yet. There must have been a couple slurp juice waiting for her in week 5 because when you thought she was hiding in a bush with 1 hp she came out with a rocket launcher and won back to back games. The season isn’t even half over and with 7 players sitting at 3-3 Kathleen could very easily find herself right back in the mix if she can string together a few more wins.
13. Easy Breesy Rec: 1-5 PFPG: 85.2 (14th) Week 3 Rank: 13 ↔️ Whewww, I’ll be honest it has been a rough go for the defending champs. I tried to think of something funny honestly, but I really got nothing. It’s not gonna get easier down the stretch too because all the remaining teams on the schedule boast at least records of .500 or better. I think you said it best.. you are last years New York Knicks.
14. My Team’s Trash Rec: 1-5 PFPG: 87.1 (13th) Week 3 Rank: 10 ⬇️4 Aww you are a sweet brother, very kind of you to take over Kathleen’s spot to become the new basement dweller. Hopefully you don’t take this as far as adopting Tom Brady’s gig of kissing family on the mouth…

Andrew is incapacitated right now. I think that’s the word. So without his permission, I am going to try my hand at this instead of doing the Game of the Week. Why? Two reasons. The first: to show to Andrew that he doesn’t own me. The second: there’s no glory in game of the week. ESPN doesn’t put out a game of the week every week because it gets millions of clicks. No, they put out power rankings every week because they get millions of clicks. That’s what we are here for. Let’s get millions of clicks. The only way I can think to do that would be to discuss something that has wider appeal than just this group of 14. That’s why I brought you here today to read my power rankings of the top 5 best comedy tv shows currently on Netflix or Hulu (Stick around until the end for a special treat)

1. Bojack Horseman
This one is at the top for me without a doubt. It’s ability to make one laugh while at other times making them think is unmatched in today’s world of television. It’s an animated show, which has caused some concern in many, but give it a shot and I doubt you will be disappointed.

2. Nathan For You
Back to back shows that a lot of people haven’t seen, Nathan For You blends dry comedy and satire like no other. Available on Hulu, give it a shot and see what this man who graduated from business school with really good grades can do for you.

3. New Girl
It truly gets unjust hate. A new age Friends, new girl puts guys and girls in a few will they/won’t they scenarios that form the foundation of American sitcoms. What sets this show apart is the chemistry between actors and the writing, bringing situational comedy to the next level.

4. The Office
It’s just the classic answer to this question. Everywhere you go you could pull out an Office quote or two from the memory bank and get laughs. However, I don’t rank it as highly as others. People are conditioned to like it because others do instead of forming opinions of their own. The writing has its off days and the show generally turns downhill after Michael Scott leaves Dunder Mifflin.

5. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
A cornerstone for those who like dark humor, IASIP brings a group of narcissistic idiots together and sees what trouble follows. It is the longest running sitcom ever for good reason and the 14th season kicks off tonight at 10 PM on FXX.

 

I did promise you a treat. So here it is. I’m not going to do conventional power rankings because I don’t care what your record is. We are three weeks in. Anything can happen. I will instead just rank how I feel about your roster moving forward, including a strength and a weakness.

1. Too Many Cook
Strength: Dalvin, Waller, Davante Adams will likely get it going soon
Weakness: Aaron Jones is splitting 50/50, and that goes double for James White and Sony Michel

2. Country Road, Take Mahomes
Strength: Exceptional at roping people into bad trades
Weakness: Depth could be an issue, over-reliance on bad offenses

3. God Hates Jags
Strength: Receivers are fantastic, maybe the best trio in the league
Weakness: No second running back. Like literally none

4. Draw on Her Like Doodlebob
Strength: You actually have more depth than the majority of others in this league
Weakness: Incapable of checking/setting lineups. Bye weeks are coming up

5. Beginners Luck ?
Strength: Traded AB at the perfect time, receivers are excellent
Weakness: Frank Gore at RB2 could be cause for concern

6. Team KamiKOZe
Strength: Kamara and Deshaun
Weakness: Pre-season “elite” wide receiver talent needs to come through

7. Mexico Militia
Strength: Zeke, Ertz, and TY has even looked like a great value
Weakness: Worries about the flex spot. Fuller hasn’t done much this year

8. Fixin’ for a Mixon
Strength: A whole stable of running backs, way more than one should need
Weakness: Receivers are lacking as a result. Witten is 50

9. Easy Breesy
Strength: Getting great value out of receivers
Weakness: Getting terrible value out of your third rounder Hockenson

10. Schweitz Sexy Squad
Strength: Kelce is a monster, Ekeler will feast (for as long as Gordon is out)
Weakness: Gordon won’t be out forever, and this team looks average outside of that

11. Mahomey and Me
Strength: Mahomes, Derrick Henry is great, Tyreek will one day return
Weakness: Team is extremely thin, and that is leaking into the starting lineup

12. Rest in Pieces…..
Strength: Terry McLaurin for free was excellent work
Weakness: Running backs will have on and off days and receivers aren’t good enough to make up for that

13. Ain’t Nothing But a Peanut
Strength: A really solid first two running backs in Conner and Fournette, even though they haven’t produced
Weakness: Lack of depth, WR talent not there, running backs might not produce

14. Meme Dream Team
Strength: I actually don’t have a strength for your team. This wasn’t meant to be a roast. I’m sorry
Weakness: The roster, ability to make trades and play the waiver wire, memes aren’t even that good.

#6 Mexico Militia (2-0) vs #3 Country Road, Take Mahomes (1-1)

Joe Stuart vs Andrew Peterson

Let’s get right into it. Last week I called out a few guys on their team names and guess what, those two teams went 0-2. Maybe that happened because they caved. They didn’t stick to their guns, and as a result they lost. On an unrelated note, Justin should change his name this week, I would really appreciate it.

Here we have a battle of two rookies to fantasy football. Well Andrew may not necessarily be a rookie in the league but he is a rookie when it comes to winning games so I’m going to count it. Joe has started off strong with two wins, and really seems to have a balanced team. He may not have a top wide receiver (RIP Andrew Luck) but he has guys he can get good contributions from moving forward. As long as no one gets hurt he might be solid moving forward. As an aside, Joe, and I’m talking directly to Joe here, you have an extra bench spot. I would recommend putting someone there. Because, you know, why not? Just a tip to get you up to speed.

As for Andrew, he looks like he really turned his team into a contender by trading with his dad for Antonio Brown. Seems like you got the better end of the deal on that one, which seems kinda unfair seeing as how he literally raised you. But hey, who am I to judge. I mean I would probably treat my dad with respect if I were in a fantasy league with him, but that’s just me, like I wouldn’t hold anyone else to my ridiculously high standards of excellence.

My prediction: Quick note, I’ve actually kinda nailed the two predictions I’ve made so far. So I think it is just about time to take my predictions as fact.

My fact: Joe starts the season 3-0 thanks in part to a lackluster effort from Christian McCaffrey, while Zach Ertz goes off for 100 yards and a touchdown

Other game predictions: (Andrew, Corbin)
Schweitz Sexy Squad vs God Hates Jags
Mexico Militia vs Country Road, Take Mahomes
Easy Breesy vs Rest In Pieces…..
Ain’t Nothing But a Peanut vs Beginners Luck ?
Team KamiKOZe vs Mahomey and Me
Too Much Cook vs Meme Dream Team
Draw on Her Like Doodlebob vs Fixin’ for a Mixon

How we did last week:
Andrew: 4-3
Corbin: 4-3

Totals:
Andrew: 10-4
Corbin: 9-5

Let me start by saying I love Thursday night football. With that out of the way, f*** you Thursday night football! Sure, I love a little middle of the week football, it’s been a long week at school and/or work, and the Thursday night game is like a little tease of the weekend, willing you through the day Friday with the promise of what’s come to come on the weekend. Except, this year it hasn’t delivered. It has farrrr from delivered. A 10-3 scoreline between Chicago and Green Bay to open the year? If I wanted to watch that I’d watch Msu play S.E.E. Academy for the Blind. And now last week, a 20-14 Tampa victory over Carolina, shameful, well at least Carolina had 2 touchdowns you say, nope, it was 4 field goals and a safety… This is just dumb, bad, inexcusably awful football, and maybe 3 days in between games, the gap between Sunday and Thursday, is not enough time for these players to be ready to go again. And obviously, the most important part of this matter, these Thursday night monstrosities are at the expense of us who play fantasy football. Christian Mccaffery scored 40 points in week 1, this past Thursday, he had 6! A week ago Aaron Jones and Davante Adams of Green Bay combined for 37 points, in Week 1, on a Thursday, they combined for 9. Maybe this is a small sample, and maybe I struggled thinking of what to write for this part of the rankings, but so far, through week 2, Thursday night is a fantasy football killer, and it sucks. So, with all that said, F you Thursday night football, but know that I love you.

Anyway without further ado, your week 3 fantasy football power rankings:

1. God Hates Jags Rec 2-0 Last Week: 1 ↔️ The Corbeaner said earlier this week he was open to all Seattle players, and while he picked up a dub, he probably wishes he had Will Dissly, Mr. Big Montana himself in place of the doughnut Njoku got him this week. Regardless, in a week that was full of disappointing performances from around the league the balanced structure of this roster proved that even if one player falters the rest will be good enough to at least give them a fighting chance.
2. Schweitz Sezy Squad Rec 2-0 Last Week: 4 ⬆️2 While it may not have been the “sexiest” performance this week, being one of the 4 undefeated teams left in the league does get you some props. Robert Woods and Sammy Watkins have plenty of better days ahead, and it’s not as if one could have foreseen Desean leaving the game early with an injury, to, well, a rather tender place. Right now the 156 points scored week 1 are keeping this team respected, but that can change quickly if this team continues to get kicked in the groin.
3. Country Roads Rec 1-1 Last Week: 3 ↔️ I mentioned Thursday night football… Hard to not feel cheated when you have arguably the best Rb fantasy football wise, as well as one of the best receivers in the game and they go out and combine for 14 points. Oh, did I mention my opponents defense scoring 37 points this week? You know who topped 30 points in fantasy this week? BAL Lamar 30.9, KC Mahomes 31.6, KC Robinson 32.2, and the Patriots D 37. Damn it, a good opener would have been me ranting on how defenses should be outlawed in the league next year. Oh well, at least is if my opponents D scores 30+ next week you know what to expect in the intro.
4. Draw like Doodlebob Rec 2-0 Last Week: 2 ⬇️2 Gonna be honest the only real reason this team dropped 2 slots is because up until about the latter part of the 3Q of Monday night’s game this team was sitting on roughly 80 points and had no chance of winning. Then, Odell caught and ran for an 89 yard TD as well as snagging a few other balls to help this team squeak out a dub. Still unfortunate this man pays absolutely no attention to his team… I wonder if anyone has ever gone undefeated without touching their roster?
5. Too Many Cook Rec 1-1 Last Week: 8 ⬆️3 Tom Izzo would be proud of how well this team rebounded in week 2, he might even have smiled, well, actually, now I’m getting ahead of myself. After putting up the second lowest points the previous week, this man moved past the week 1 Thursday night football curse, and managed to score the most points this week. Kudos
6. Mexico Militia Rec 2-0 Last Week: 9 ⬆️3 Everybody loves a good underdog story, the odds stacked against them, Rudy, the Jamaican bobsled team, Average “joe”s from the movie Dodgeball. See what I did there 😛 Anyway, I’m sure I’m not the only one who was uncertain about how the newcomer would perform, however through two weeks I’m pleasantly surprised on how he has gotten along so far rattling off back to back wins to start the season. That stare down between Joe and his laptop on draft night, the deep concentration on his furrowed brow, proves Joe isn’t here to make friends, he is here to win.
7. Mahomey and Me Rec 1-1 Last Week: 7 ↔️ Ah yes, the first of those affected by Corbin’s call out for lazy team names, (Side note: How many years in a row have you kept the same name Corbin?) but at least you changing your name didn’t get your quarterback’s hand broken… However, your two WR Michael Thomas and Juju will surely be affected by the person tossing them the ball no longer being a future hall of famer. Maybe that’s just karma for texting me, begging to be higher in the rankings.
8. Beginner’s Luck Rec 1-1 Last Week: 5 ⬇️3 I think the only real clear issue with this team has to be the running back spot. It was kind of unfortunate as well that none of the wide receivers had big games, but everyone has a lull, even those players that are stars. At the time of writing this there still hasn’t been any word regarding AB, whether or not he will continue to play this season hangs in the balance and the result of the ongoing investigation could have huge effects on this team. Regardless, I’m predicting a bounce back here in week 3, but if they don’t, maybe those 149 week 1 points really were beginner’s luck.
9. Team KamiKOZe Rec 0-2 Last Week: 6 ⬇️3 Welp, you got unlucky mate, a quarter left to go in Monday night football, a 15 point lead, victory all but assured with the Browns passing less considering their lead, and then OBJ happens. The worst news however is Kamara. He has yet to find the endzone this season and with Brees out for multiple weeks he’s going to find there are a lot fewer scoring chances than what he’s used to. A long ways to go in the season and despite the disappointing losses so far, there are plenty of upcoming opportunities for this team to turn it around.
10. Meme Dream Team Rec 1-1 Last Week: 10 ↔️ If you don’t win when the opposing player’s QB has negative points and breaks his hand in the 1Q, that’s shameful. Thankfully, that didn’t happen. The addition of Tyrell over the past week proved useful and while Hollywood Brown didn’t go all super saiyan like week 1, proving he is in fact human, he did have a decent week and should continue to be reliable from the flex position. The trajectory of this team is definitely pointing up, with Damien and Freeman under performing and Ridley and Hollywood emerging as potential stars, the sky is the limit for this team.
11. Nothing but a Peanut Rec 1-1 Last Week: 13 ⬆️2 I’m salty your defense scored 37 points. The End.
12. Fixin’ for a Mixon Rec 0-2 Last Week: 11 ⬇️1 Joe Mixon might arguably be the biggest the bust in all of fantasy football right now, and no I am not referring to his man boobs. While I find it smart this man targeting a QB other than Trubisky, that seems to just be step 1 in the rearranging of this roster. It’s hard to win a championship relying on only a few players, but that seems to be the mantra of this team right now.
13. Easy Breesy Rec 0-2 Last Week: 12 ⬇️1 Way to go Casey. You change your name and look what happens. Easy Breesy, just like breaking your hand. This should be a lesson as to why you don’t give into peer pressure children. People get hurt, break their hands, ruin their fantasy teams. All is not lost though, well actually I don’t know if I can say that…
14. Rest in Pieces.….. Rec 0-2 Last Week: 14 ↔️ I think the new team name says enough…

#2 Draw on Her Like Doodlebob (1-0) vs #6 Team KamiKOZe (0-1)

Thomas Shearer vs Logan Kozminski

Let’s get one thing out of the way real quick. Leaving your fantasy football team name as “Team LASTNAME” is a crime worthy of capital punishment. That is directed specifically at Casey. You really couldn’t come up with a single thing and elected to leave it as Team Koz? What if other teams were named as such. The New England Patriots just are Team Kraft. Do you see how stupid that sounds? But on the not much better tier are two squads that changed the nickname but not the location. Still just team. Team ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and Team KamiKOZe are some lazy S.o.B.s if you think that’s good. For you Logan. KamiKOZe is so promising. Just do something better with it. Be better. That’s all I want. It isn’t worth questioning Andrew Marvel so I just will leave him be. He has reached his potential. Logan though, you can soar.

As far as these two teams go, Thomas has an alright squad but I honestly don’t see either of them contending for the title. Some moves will have to get made and Tommy is not the one who is willing to make them. Even Logan would need a few things to fall right for him. If I had to call my shot right now, neither of these two teams makes it past the first round of the playoffs. Isn’t that lovely. To full on write a team off after 1 week. We know so little about the season. But Andrew gave me writing permission on this blog which means I’m allowed to say stuff like that with no repercussions if I’m wrong.

My prediction: Both teams put up <100,  but Doodlebob prevails, lets call it 96 – 91

Other game predictions: (Andrew, Corbin)
God Hates Jags vs Fixin’ for a Mixon
Team ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ vs Mexico Militia
Beginners Luck ? vs Too Much Cook
Draw on Her Like Doodlebob vs Team KamiKOZe
Rest In Pieces….. vs Schweitz Sexy Squad
Team Koz vs Meme Dream Team
Ain’t Nothing But a Peanut vs Country Road, Take Mahomes

How we did last week:
Andrew: 6-1
Corbin: 5-2

Totals:
Andrew: 6-1
Corbin: 5-2

It’s finally here, the first full weekend of REAL football. You’ve been waiting 217 days for this moment, ever since the high scoring, action packed Super Bowl 53 between the Rams and Patriots. You’re so amped for the new season, everyone with a fresh slate, the hype of newly acquired players, and the hope of your team reaching the super bowl on the horizon. You plop on the couch, beer in hand, and turn on your favorite team the Lions…. The Lions, are that ex, that for whatever reason you always end up running back to, no matter how many times they break your heart. Every year, “it’s different this time,” “they’ve changed,” “they have a new coach,” “they promised they wont cheat again.” Yet, as soon as you get back in that relationship, as soon as the NFL season starts, you’re reminded, your ex, the Lions, suck. And they will never change, but you’ll keep running back to them because you never learn, constantly feeding the notion that one day things will be different.

The season has started though, it’s too late, you’re back with your ex, because, well, you can’t just not watch the Lions. Anyway being back with your ex is going to give you tons of headache and you need something to take the painful sound of your nagging ex away, and yes, you already know the answer to your troubles, it’s alcohol. Well in this case, fantasy football. Thank the heavens alcohol, wait, I mean fantasy football, exists. Your ex is screaming at you, the Lions are blowing 24-6 4Q leads in week 1, but you pay them no mind, gulping down your Oberon, opening fantasy cast for ESPN, basking in the glory of what is a fantasy football victory over your annoying little cousin who vapes strawberry lava flow vape juice on his thumb drive like it’s his job. You take a big sigh, you’re back with your ex, and you’re now addicted to alcohol… sorry fantasy football I keep getting it confused… Anyway welcome to the 2019-2020 NFL season.

Without further ado, the power ranking for Fantasy Fútbol 2k19 following week 1:

1. God Hates Jags Rec 1-0 Last Week: 1 ↔️ Truthfully I’ve always wondered where the name “God Hates Jags” came from, but seeing Nick Foles, the Jags new franchise QB, ushered into the tunnel early Sunday afternoon I thought, maybe God does hate the Jaguars. Anyway in the game of the week Corbin’s team easily got the job done, dismantling Phil’s team in the rivalry game similarly to how Ohio State typically dismantles Michigan in that rivalry. It should be another business as usual week when Corbin faces off vs Ryan.
2. Draw like Doodlebob Rec 1-0 Last Week: 3 ⬆️1 To be honest the only thing that will keep this team from being a contender is the fact he never touches his roster. Sure it was an excellent week 1, and I’m positive there will be plenty of more weeks like it looking at the roster, but his own laziness will be the ultimate downfall in the end.
3. Country Roads Rec 1-0 Last Week: 4 ⬆️1 I’m at a loss of words, a week 1 victory? I never thought I would experience something so magical as this again. After so much losing, is this finally the year??? I’d like to thank my mom, my dad, and Logan for letting me kick his ass week 1. The Revenge Tour has begun!! John… you’re on the clock.
4. Schweitz Sezy Squad Rec 1-0 Last Week: 8 ⬆️4 I happened to look at the score between this man and his opponent Stan halfway through the 4 o’clock games and all I could think of was the “Stop! Stop! He’s already dead Simpsons meme. Nothing like coming out of the gate and beating the living tar out of someone. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised, he did draft 11th after all, and after this performance I think that story line is going to be following us all season.
5. Beginner’s Luck Rec 1-0 Last Week: 13 ⬆️8 Begginers luck is right I guess because I did not see 149 points coming out of this team ever let alone in week 1. Not to mention this was all done with bitch boi AB sitting on the bench. If Marlon Mack can continue to be a factor and Kyler Murray can play all 4Qs consistently this team has massive upside thanks to the quartet of dangerous receivers this man has on his team. In fact after this showing in week 1 I’m betting this team will lead the league in points scored this year.
6. Team KamiKOZe Rec 0-1 Last Week: 5 ⬇️1 I mentioned in the preseason rankings Kamara was gonna need to carry this team… Well it looks like he may need to head over to his local outdoorsman store and buy himself a mountain backpack because whew, not many people showed up to play from this team this week. Again it’s early though and scoring 100+ in a loss is still encouraging in week 1.
7. Team ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Rec 1-0 Last Week: 11 ⬆️4 Listen, I still hold firm to the belief of what I said last week about how stupidly this man drafted, but putting up 131 points in week 1 is a good start to showing that maybe and it’s a BIG maybe I may be wrong. Bold prediction coming right now… this team, yes despite 131 points week 1, will not only not make the playoffs, they won’t even sniff ’em! 😛
8. Too Many Cook Rec 0-1 Last Week: 2 ⬇️6 Maybe I jumped the gun a little putting this team in the no. 2 slot to start the preseason. And to be honest, I really wasn’t sure where to put them after a measly 78 points to open the season. I still could be way off thinking this team could be a wild card team. Obviously there is a long ways to go and these rankings are simply my opinion, but this team could be in for a free fall that could turn insurmountable if the right decisions aren’t made in the few coming weeks.
9. Mexico Militia Rec 1-0 Last Week: 8 ⬇️1 It seems kind of cruel to move a team down the rankings escpecially after winning a game, yet here we are. Maybe it’s that although it was a 30+ point victory, not eclipsing 100 when 4 of the teams that lost this week did, makes the win seem a little lacking. That being said I expect this team to improve dramatically a lackluster week 1 from Zeke as well as Matt Ryan shows this team has plenty of room for growth and may put up monster points some weeks when nobody expects it.
10. Meme Dream Team Rec 0-1 Last Week: 6 ⬇️4 Here’s some good news. Hollywood Brown is on your bench and may be one of the most dynamic young players in the NFL. Here’s some bad news. Tyreek Hill (your 1st round pick) is injured and there is currently no timetable for his return. Can Holloywood fill that huge hole Tyreek is leaving behind? Unlikely, but I’m excited, and cant wait to find out.
11. Fixin’ for a Mixon Rec 0-1 Last Week: 10 ⬇️1 The two things I mentioned last week, Trubisky an iffy QB, and Mixon the worst O line in the league. Well Trubisky with 8 pts and Mixon 2.7 pts in week 1 just furthers my skepticism that this team may be held back by those 2 positions. This team has some serious depth though especially at the WR position where 6 WR on the roster managed over 11 pts and 3 even topped 15. That means some juicy trade bait, and I wouldn’t be too surprised to see this team make a move if things don’t look up very soon.
12. Team Koz Rec 0-1 Last Week: 12 ↔️ Look 107 points isn’t bad for a week by any means, it’s just that when your TE has more points (22.1) than you’re starting RBs combined (12.2) and starting WRs combined (16) it’s a little bit worrisome. Not to mention that TE is a rookie and I’m not even sure he can be relied upon to keep that sort of production up. The key for this team has to be fixing those holes in the middle of the lineup otherwise I find it hard to believe this team will have the success this year it has had in years past.
13. Nothing but a Peanut Rec 0-1 Last Week: 7 ⬇️6 Nothing but a Peanut may not be this teams full name, but it does accurately describe the showing out of this team in Week 1. Baker was a peanut, James Conner was a peanut, Leonard Fournette was a peanut, and Robby Anderson was an empty peanut shell. This team is probably wishing it was instead ANYTHING BUT a peanut. Better days are yet ahead though for this team, there is simply too much talent and I wouldn’t be surprised to see a bounce back in the right direction in Week 2.
14. Just Wing IT Rec 0-1 Last Week: 14 ↔️ I’m Pretty sure it’s a bad omen when your teams first fantasy output is 66.6 points. It’s pretty clear to me this team is cursed and while the season is still early, powers greater than us seem set on keeping this team in the basement this season and I am not going to interfere.

#1 God Hates Jags (0-0) vs #2 Too Many Cook (0-0)

Corbin Stone vs Phil Johnson

Andrew told me if I didn’t write these I would be kicked out of the league. So to get back at him I am going to make myself game of the week for this week. To be fair though, we were just ranked #1 and #2 on his own power rankings, so I’m not sure there is a better game I could’ve chosen. Plus there is just so much on the line.

For Corbin (aka me) what is on the line is redemption. This Corbin guy came out the gates like a directionally challenged horse last year, and is really hoping to not repeat that this year. Maybe this year will be better, especially because according to him, he was drafting with “a bunch of morons.” He got the Quon, and still found a way to pick up Nick Chubb and Keenan Allen. Can’t start too much better than that. After rounding off his team beautifully, he was reportedly spotted rosterbating post draft in a dark room.

For Phil, so much more is on the line. Technically he said no to the proposal, but so that everyone in the league can shame him into doing it, I will tell you all here that his wife reportedly doesn’t mind the name Corbin. Which is truly such an honor for me. This naturally led to the idea of playing for a name. If I win, Phil names his child after me. It’s only fair. I’m not even a bad person to name a child against. If you ignore the rosterbating claims above, I have done literally nothing wrong ever in my entire life. So just do it maybe???

My prediction: Little baby Corbin comes into the world at 7 lbs even.

For fun, Andrew and I are both picking who will win each matchup this year and keep a running total. His picks will be in bold, mine in italics

God Hates Jags vs Too Many Cooks

Just Wing It vs Mexico Militia

Country Road, Take Mahomes vs Team KamiKOZe

Schweitz Sexy Squad vs Meme Dream Team

Team Koz vs Draw on Her Like Doodlebob

Team ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ vs Ain’t Nothing But a Peanut

Fixin’ for a Mixon vs Beginners Luck ?

I just first want to say this isn’t like a prediction of how I see the final standings up. It’s largely record and points for based so if I think your team sucks, but if you’re 3-0, and lead the league in points for, you’ll find yourself around the top of the rankings. Also, please don’t take it too seriously it’s supposed to be a fun extra element to the league. I’m gonna take some jabs at you, I’m going to make fun of myself, it’s all in good fun. With all that being said follow the link for the first rankings! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r5mwoJ3dX-FhnC9XEgGOvS1-xZB94IX5NyDjo6OVxqk/edit?usp=sharing

All Time Records (Win %) 1. Phil Johnson 29-12 (.707) 2. Logan Kozminski 17-10 (.630) 3. Casey Kozminski 8-5 (.615) *2018 Champion 4. Corbin Stone 25-16 (.610) *2016 Champion 5. Justin Schweitzer 24-17 (.585) 6. Dylan Batchelor 8-6 (.571) *Former Member T7. Amarve 21-20 (.512) *2017 Champion T7. Stanley Gray 21-20 (.512) 9. Kathleen Gray 20-21 (.488) 10. Seth Pronger 19-22 (.463) *Former Member T11. Andrew Peterson 17-24 (.415) T11. Jonathan Boggs 17-24 (.415) *Former Member 13. Jimmy Young 5-9 (.357) *Former Member 14. Joe Farris 8-19 (.296) *Former Member T15. Thomas Shearer 3-10 (.231) T15. Andrew Edmonson 3-10 (.231) *Former Member 2019 League Additions: Papa Peterson 0-0 John Boeke 0-0 Joseph Stuart 0-0 Ryan Ward 0-0

Thought I’d add some fun interesting facts below: Phil has lost the championship game and finished 2nd all 3 years. Despite having the second best win percentage Logan has never finished top 3. Schweitzer holds the record for best week with 162.2 points. Seth Pronger finished a week with 32.2 points for the worst week. The last 2 years the winner of the league drafted from the 11 slot. Teams drafting from the 1 slot are 18-23 combined.